21st Century Butthurt Man

So, you guys have seen the grammy nominations, right? I think just about everyone who's interested in music has been butthurt about the grammys at one point or another. However, most of us stopped caring long ago, because the grammys are so obviously a soulless, idiotic pageant of pusillanimous pop music that we don't even have the butthurt to spare. You might say, The Grammys, dude?? Baby's first butthurt.

But then they did something that I just cannot ignore. That's right grammys, you have my attention for the first time in years, and had I the resources and a curative for my crippling agoraphobia, I would march out to the Staples Center, burn that mother to the ground and douse the flames with a mighty blast of piss.

What might you ask, has got me as butthurt as a pack of web-saavy Egyptians?

Let's take a look at the album of the year nominations:

The Suburbs - Arcade Fire
Recovery - Eminem
Need You Now - Lady Antebellum
The Fame Monster - Lady Gaga
Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

So, these are the grammys for 2010, right? You're telling me you had a spot for Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster, which came out in 2009, and yet you didn't have a fucking nomination to spare for the best-reviewed album of the year? Yes, I'm talking about Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, a mainstream hip-hop/pop album, exactly the kind of music these grammy voters usually gobble up like day-old jizz -- which is to say with vigorous enthusiasm -- but an album that was also hailed unilaterally by anyone with a fucking brain stem as the best thing to come out in a long, long time. Hell, I don't mind saying it, I think it's the best album to come out since Funeral. Yeah, I went there. This was the number one album according to Spin, Rolling Stone, Vibe, and Pitchfork (who gave it a perfect ten, btw), but fuck all that, because it was the number one album according to me! Anyone who can make a King fucking Crimson sample seem perfectly timed and vitally relevant to their music deserves some kind of medal in my book, and that's just one of hundreds of brilliant moments on a sprawling, blood sweat and tears masterpiece.

I'mma let you finish guys, but Mubarak was one of the best presidents of all time!

 And you gave a nomination to Katy Perry? Katy fucking Perry???? That troll can't even fucking sing! She's only famous because she said she likes kissing girls! I mean, I'm all about some girls kissing, but she's basically the cultural equivalent of that skanky chick who stands up on the bar and makes out with her wasted friend because she can't get any guys to pay attention to her! Whhaaaaatt the fuuuuuuuuuccckk???

Next time I'm about to look at the grammy nominations, someone do me a favor and shoot me in the head.




ANY GAY FISH WHO WANTS TO LEAVE A COMMENT ABOUT HOW KANYE SUCKS AND NEEDS TO SHUT UP SHOULD GO STAB HIMSELF IN THE EYES WITH AN AIDS-INFECTED SYRINGE. CHURCH.